Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Drake has all the answers
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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