Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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