ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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