so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You're like the curious george of whores
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
