Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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