I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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