I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
