you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
