I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
