Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
