May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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