cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
