This girl is more easily done than said...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
