I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
