You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
