the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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