There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
