I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
