Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
