You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
