I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
