Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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