I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
