butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
