Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize