I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
