Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
