We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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