Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
