All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
