Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
