One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
