What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
