hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
