right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
