we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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