I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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