So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
