If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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