Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize