I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
