I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
