I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
