Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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