he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
