The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
