no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
