If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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