What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
