but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
