So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
