The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
