my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
