hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
