Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
