You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
