i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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