Don't make out with my wife yet
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
