he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize