yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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