I feel like abortions should bother me more
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
