We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
