I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
