he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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