There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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