1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
