im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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