You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
